Ash Wednesday
by Space-Case-Writer13
Summary: ONE SHOT: Baldwin IV King of Jerusalem does not expect to find peace, he's alone, he's disfigured, and he's destined to an early grave, untill one Ash Wednesday


Author's Note: I do not own any of the character except for Ophelia, everything else belongs to Ridley Scott and the pages of the history book.

This is just a little drabble, hope you enjoy!

Cheers

Space-Case-Writer13

* * *

It was Ash Wednesday and although he was king of Jerusalem he would not attend mass. He could not, for he was Baldwin IV the Leper King of Latin Jerusalem, and he was alone. Hunched over his desk his sliver mask reflected the flickering candle light and the last rays of the sun sinking below the horizon.

Glancing over at the gardens just outside his chambers he chuckled softly to himself. _"Lent, a time of fasting, and repentance, it seems that I cannot do enough of either,"_ He thought.

Diagnosed with leprosy at the age of nine, and then crowned at the age of thirteen he'd lived with his condition for nearly fourteen years, watching as the disease slowly ate away at his body, knowing that as soon as his body had been devoured, it would begin on his soul. For Baldwin lent was a time like any other, fasting, repenting, and pain.

* * *

Ophelia could hear the Patriarch Heraclius and Tiberius arguing again. The whole monastery could hear them. "I am sorry my lord Tiberius, it simply cannot be done because of his condition," The bishop proclaimed.

"Coward," Tiberius growled before storming away.

Ophelia shook her head, still bent in prayer with the other sisters. The only difference between her and the other sisters was that she was actually listening. Having been in the convent since the age of nine Ophelia new very little of the world outside her, other than had what been brought in with the gossip from the ladies of the court. Now fourteen years later she was a nun, but unlike the other Sisters she had an opinion.

With a frown she crossed herself and rose to her feet exiting the chapel. _"I am going to receive a lashing for this, but it is only fair and just that the king of Jerusalem receives an Ash Wednesday service like everyone else, and the mark that god is with him," _She thought stepping up her pace to catch up with Baron Tiberius.

"My lord!" She called out as she rounded the corner finally catching up to him.

Tiberius stopped, startled by the sound of the woman's voice. Turning he saw a young nun with a fiery look in her eyes. "Sister," He nodded in respect.

"My lord Tiberius," Ophelia began.

"Yes?" He questioned shortly.

She didn't know where to go from there. Bowing her head Ophelia tried to hide her pink tinged cheeks. "I beg your forgiveness for eaves dropping, but I pray you ask his Eminence one more time to send ashes for His Highness King of Jerusalem. Ask him to send a nun, and I shall go," Ophelia rushed.

"Why do you wish this?" Tiberius inquired skeptically, looking over the nun with untrusting eyes.

"Is it not right?" She replied.

* * *

Baldwin knelt before the cross in the chapel attached to his private chambers, knowing that he would not be disturbed. Gazing up at the cross he looked at the figure of Jesus, the only son of god, his prayers he knew would go unanswered, yet still he prayed, hoping that perhaps the god he and his ancestors had fought for might listen.

* * *

Ophelia and Tiberius walked in silence; Ophelia was surprised it had actually worked and that she was being brought before the king. Tiberius walked with the young nun, suspicious of what her true motive was, but it was for the king, and he knew that whatever her intention was it was good hearted. Coming to the first door Tiberius stopped. "I will go no further, if you require anything else the servants will fetch it for you," The baron explained looking the nun over once more.

"Thank you lord Tiberius," Ophelia nodded.

"He should be in the chapel," Tiberius added as she opened the door.

"I think I can manage," She smiled before slipping inside.

Container of blessed ashes in hand Ophelia walked silently past the guards and into the small chapel. Crossing herself with holy water, Ophelia continued toward the pew where Baldwin knelt silent and still, his white robes flowing over his leprosy torn body. She stopped uncertain if she wanted to continue, long she had heard the rumors and now Ophelia cowered over might what be.

It had been long since she had seen the king. There had once been a time when she would see him in mass. Tall, strong, proud, his long golden hair tied at his neck, his inquisitive blue eyes scanning and watching them. Once she had caught his gaze and in embarrassment quickly ducked her head. That had been long ago it seemed before he had slipped into seclusion, and isolation because of his fear for others.

Kneeling in the Chapel Baldwin prayed _"Dear heavenly father, forgive me for my wrong doings, my impatience, my frustration with that which you have given me. Please help me to understand better why you have blessed me with such a challenge and deemed that I should be alone for all eternity." _His thoughts were broken by the sound of skirts rustling as footsteps approached.

Turning slowly Baldwin found a young nun standing in the isle, trembling timidly not daring to come any closer.

When he turned, the glint of his lifeless mask shocked Ophelia, her whole frame shook in an almost unearthly alarm. _"So the rumors are true, I had hoped they weren't."_

Baldwin watched her standing there silent, composed, obviously alarmed but doing her best not to show it. _"Why has she come? Surely the bishop could not have sent her…" _

Their eyes met for a brief moment, but then remembering who she was in the presence of Ophelia bowed. "You Highness."

"Sister," Baldwin nodded, slowly rising to his feet, every movement a labor.

The duo stood there a moment both without the faintest idea what to say. "My lord, I brought you ashes for the sacrament of Ash Wednesday," Ophelia blurted out.

"Did the Bishop send you Sister?" Baldwin inquired.

"Yes," She nodded, biting her lip Ophelia added "and no."

"I thought not," Baldwin chuckled to himself. "Why did you come, knowing me to be what I am?"

"Because my lord, it is right," Ophelia stated softly.

"And you would face eternal damnation?" He prodded further.

"If it is right then it is right my lord, I do not see any exceptions for which right can be wrong in such a matter," Ophelia shifted her weight from one foot to another nervously.

Baldwin noted this, realizing what fright he must be causing her. Ophelia watched as his eyes flickered to hers, as he tried to avoid eyes contact. She wished that she could go to him and speak freely, but it was not her place. Baldwin watched her wishing that he could speak to her but knew it would be inappropriate to burden the young woman with the weights of his mind. "Come, and administer the ashes so that you may be on your way," Baldwin proclaimed.

Ophelia nodded removing a prayer book from the pocket of her robes she walked toward him. "Please sit your highness, you do not need to stand in my presence," Ophelia whispered stopping before him.

"Of course sister," He nodded, truly curious about the little nun who'd come before him. Sitting down she knelt at his feet.

Ophelia began reading several passages from the Old Testament before continuing to the gospel. Her voice was sweet like honey and soft like a summer's rain, her skin was fair and flawless, and her dark green eyes intense as she read the words that filled her with so much fervor. "Amen," She finished the gospel, looking up at him their eyes met a moment. Rising to her feet she opened the container of ashes, her hands shaking.

"You do not have to touch me, Sister, if you would just make the cross on my mask it will be enough for me," Baldwin assured her.

"I do not mind my lord, but if you wish for me to administer the ashes on your mask I shall," Ophelia replied adamantly.

"Are you not afraid?"

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. Fear has to do with punishment and whoever fears has not been perfected in love," Ophelia whispered tears welling in her glassy green eyes.

Now Baldwin was truly perturbed. _"What is this? Who is she?" _He thought uncertainly.

Looking up at him to face him squarely for the first time, she took a deep breath. "Remember, O man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return," Ophelia crossed his mask, the vibrant blue eyes looking up at her.

_"Her face is familiar to me,"_ Baldwin struggled to remember where he'd seen her before, and thought to himself that it must be a coincidence. "Thank you," He nodded as she rose to her feet, packing away her items.

"It was nothing your highness, I am glad his eminence agreed to let me come," Ophelia replied keeping her hands busy she looked down at her work.

"What is your name sister? For your face is familiar," Baldwin proclaimed unable to take it any longer he had to know.

Rising to her feet she collected her things. "Ophelia, your highness," She bowed gracefully. "By your leave I will return to the Abby."

"Will you not stay a while and pray with me Sister Ophelia?" Baldwin questioned.

"Of course your highness," Ophelia nodded.

Kneeling down, Ophelia knelt beside the king, her hands neatly folded around a rosary. Baldwin watched her in fascination as her gaze never left the crucifix that hung on the wall. _"I knew an Ophelia once, long ago," _Baldwin thought _"Truly this could not be the same Ophelia, she would have gotten married and moved far away from this place," _He shook his head.

"My lord is something wrong?" her voice broke his thoughts.

"I am pondering distant memories Sister, I pray you forgive me," Baldwin would have smiled reassuringly could his mask smile.

How he hated the thing. It was the symbol of his entrapment. He had dawned the mask as soon as the leprosy had started to claim his face, the sores appeared and soon he, Baldwin, the king had been disfigured beyond recognition. It was not the disfiguration he despised, simply the joys that the leprosy had denied him. A wife, the warmth of a woman's flesh, even sensations such as wind or the suns warming rays were denied to him.

"You are haunted my lord," Ophelia looked over at him her gaze meeting his, and in it, Baldwin did not see pity, but pain.

"As every man is haunted by his past," Baldwin rose slowly to his feet turning away from her. "Tell me Sister Ophelia, why did you come to me?"

"Because every man needs someone to listen to them, even you my lord," Ophelia explained.

"You risk eternal damnation so that I have someone to talk to?" Baldwin would not believe it, for no one was in his presence willingly.

"My lord I would like permission to speak freely," She stated.

"Of course," He nodded.

"Long ago, before I was taken into the convent, I knew a boy a young happy boy that swore to bring peace to his father's land, and that he would grow up to be a mighty king," Ophelia began. "It was a time of great happiness for the boy he was under the great tutelage of Baron Godfrey and was a great student. What I remember about the boy most is that he was fair and kind and would scold the other boys for pulling my hair, but would always partake in teasing me," She paused with a short chuckle. "Often I have wondered where that boy went, and what happened to the happiness he once had," Ophelia gazed up at Baldwin. "I had to know what happened, my lord, and I was hoping you might help me find him."

"Ophelia," The recognition shone in Baldwin's eyes.

"Hello Baldwin," A shy smile graced her lips.

"So you took the veil," Baldwin sighed.

"Yes, after my father died, my mother thought it would be best for me to join the church," She explained.

"It is a shame," He shook his head.

"And why is that?" Ophelia inquired.

"You would have made a fine mother, you always did try to watch after us," Baldwin recalled.

"That is right," She smiled, bowing her head to try and hide it.

"Why come to me now Ophelia?" Baldwin inquired seriously. "Why now?"

The smile faded from her face and she looked up at him, her eyes square with his. "Because, no one deserves to be alone, or to be cast aside and scorned as you have been," She explained. "The convent has ears, and we hear so much, but only I actually listen." Ophelia shook her head. "Poverty, chastity, and obedience," She chuckled humorlessly "yet they expect you to have no ears either."

"There is a reason for that you know," Baldwin stated flatly.

"A reason for what?" Ophelia inquired.

"Why I am scorned," Baldwin replied.

"And what reason may that be?" she questioned.

"Do you truly want to know?" He shifted uncomfortably.

She nodded her big green eyes gazing pleadingly up at him. Putting his hands to his mask he pulled away the outer shell of silver as Ophelia looked on. Inhaling a deep breath Baldwin looked up at her, his face bare, exposed to the most beautiful woman he had ever known. _"I do not want her near me, least she contract my disease, this is the way I will make her see that I am a monster, shaped by sin and the vanity of my kingdom,"_

Ophelia did not flinch, her gaze remained steady, it was only in her eyes that she showed the shock, and pain she felt. The Kings face, long mutilated by leprosy was twisted and torn into a gnarled sneer, part of his nose was gone, leaving only a hole for smelling, but smelling what Ophelia wondered. Rot, decay….Death. Looking up into his eyes she saw the boy she once knew, only he was afraid, scared, his confidence long spent with the weathering of time. Closing her eyes a single tear fell. When Baldwin saw this he bowed his head, ashamed of his monstrous form.

"Baldwin," Ophelia called, and looking back up at her their eyes met. "You are not the reason I weep, I swear it," she cooed, extending her hand she moved to place it on his cheek.

"No," He wrenched back. "I will not allow you to infect yourself," Baldwin turned away placing the mask back upon his face.

"If all of us be made in god's image why should I fear your affliction?" Ophelia questioned.

"If it can be helped I will not allow it to happen," Baldwin proclaimed his back still toward her.

"If it be God's will then neither of us have a choice in the matter," Ophelia replied. "Baldwin, please," She begged "do not push me away as you have pushed away the world."

"Why have you come Ophelia," Baldwin once again asked, tears in his voice.

"Because, everyone needs someone," She whispered. "My father's choice was not mine, and your disease was not yours, we are both living in fate's will," Ophelia paused before sighing. "I am sorry you highness," She shook her head. "It is obvious I have over stepped my ground," Rising to her feet she prepared to leave.

"You're right Ophelia," Baldwin proclaimed.

"About what your highness?" She stopped.

"Everyone does need someone, but I am choosing to be alone," he replied.

"I wish you wouldn't," Ophelia smiled sadly.

"Why not?"

"Because even you, King of Jerusalem, deserve to have somebody to talk to, to share your inner most thoughts with."

Baldwin watched her a moment uncertain of what he should do. _"Why is she coming to me now, after all this time?" _

"I come before you now Baldwin because of what I've seen and heard of your deeds, because I see that now, now that peace has been made with Saladin you need to find peace for yourself." Ophelia proclaimed.

"The truce with Saladin is a shaky one, fanatics are arriving daily from Europe to further test his patience, I am dying, and when I die my truce with Saladin will die with it," Baldwin shook his head.

"My Lord, peace, while short lived is still peace, you are doing everything within your power to keep it as such, and you cannot be so hard on yourself for what cannot be controlled," She bowed her head. "Pardon me your highness, I have run away with myself again," She blushed.

He was baffled by her eloquence, her passion as she graciously complimented him, and he realized that more than anything he just wanted someone to talk to, and she was willing. "Come sit and talk with me a while Ophelia," Baldwin sat down motioning her to sit down beside him.

Nodding she slide into the pew beside him, glancing over at him from beneath her habit she smiled. "What shall we talk about your highness?"

"What did you have in mind Ophelia?" Baldwin chuckled knowing that the woman when given the opportunity would simply speak.

"Whatever you wanted to talk about," the woman grinned.

"What would I talk with a nun about?" Baldwin questioned. At this her face fell, "What is it?" he inquired noting this.

"It is nothing," She shook her head chucking shortly.

"It is obviously something," He persisted.

"I suppose your highness I wished that we might see beyond the title, and see each other as we truly are," Ophelia admitted. "But again it seems that I have over stepped my ground."

"Ophelia," Baldwin called to her and she turned to face him. "I told you that you could speak freely, and I meant it, not as a king, but as a friend," He stated finally.

"Don't you hate it?" Ophelia inquired.

"Hate what?"

"The rules, regulations, guidelines to be who you are, despite the fact that you are the law….that you are Jerusalem," She again looked rather disgruntled.

"Yes," Baldwin chuckled from beneath the mask. "They are what binds me, and what makes me draw each breath. What of you?"

"The grace of the holy spirit is what binds me to the church and my mother's wish that I remain pure and untouched…" She laughed softly shaking her head. Pausing she continued. "I really do wish I could have been a mother, and a wife," Ophelia smiled. "To have a home and hearth that I could claim as mine, and a husband to lay beside me in my bed," She pondered.

"Such things have been denied to me also Ophelia. Never have I felt the warmth of a woman's touch nor even dare imagine having a wife, and child. But to hear the laughter of children in these halls would be a pleasure beyond reckoning," He replied sadly.

"What do you remember of our childhood Baldwin?" Ophelia inquired.

"I remember the gardens where Godfrey would let me and the other boys play, your governess and how she always did fuss over you, one instance in particular how she fussed when you had sodden your hair," A faint smile played in his voice. "The simple games we played, and at the end of the day no matter who won or lost we would come together and be friends still. Oh how the days of childhood innocence were robbed from us," He shook his head. "What do you remember Ophelia?"

"I remember Godfrey, and how frightened I was of him and how afraid I was to talk to you because of who you were," She chuckled. "I was so shy, and then to my embarrassment the boys began to tease me and who was it but you that came to my rescue," Ophelia grinned.

"Ahh yes, I do remember that," Baldwin nodded thoughtfully. "I thought you were the prettiest girl I had ever seen, that I was to be your rescuer. Like Guinevere and King Arthur," He chuckled.

"We were so young then," She nodded thoughtfully. "You were a beautiful boy, you've always been beautiful," Ophelia smiled.

"You are truly beautiful Ophelia," Baldwin replied shaking his head. "I would place you in the stars if I could, for your beauty shines through to me, even in the darkness of my eyes."

"I am a nun, beauty does not exist," She shook her head.

"Then stop being a nun, and just be Ophelia, if only for a moment," Baldwin stated.

Ophelia smiled "I suppose it is only fair, you removed your mask, I guess it is only fair to remove mine." Taking both hands she pulled off her veil and wimple allowing her short locks to fall around her eyes. Her hair had been cut short, as no one was to see her hair, and as it was a sign of vanity was one of the many things that Ophelia had given up. Taking her hand she ruffled her hair, rubbing her neck where the wimple had once been.

"You are beautiful Ophelia," he whispered.

Shaking her head Ophelia scooted closer to Baldwin taking his hand in hers, it was heavily bandaged and she knew that he could no longer feel her touch. "Take off your mask Baldwin, let me look upon you now, not as a nun, but as a friend," She whispered.

Baldwin shook his head no. "You do not need to suffer such a sight again."

"I want to see you for you Baldwin, not the mask that we both hide under," Ophelia whispered. "I want to see you smile, and laugh unabated by that shell of silver, to see you for you, for it has been long since anyone has seen me for me."

"If that is your wish that it is you and only you who may remove my mask," Baldwin replied finally lowering his guard against the young woman who'd dared to come to him.

Taking both her hands she placed them on either side of his mask, gently pulling away his outer shell of sliver. She smiled as she placed it on the pew beside her. Taking the container of ashes, she opened it, sticking her thumb in it. As she reached toward him, he once again flinched back. "Do not fear my touch Baldwin, for I do not fear yours," She whispered.

"Yet you should," He replied mournfully.

"But I don't," Ophelia smiled. "It will be brief, I swear it, then I will not try to touch you again if you do not wish it," She explained somberly.

Nodding he allowed her thumb to touch his forehead. "Remember, O man that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return," Ophelia whispered making the sign of the cross with ashes on his leprosy infected skin.

Closing her container she turned back to face him. "I do not fear you Baldwin, and whenever you need me, you may call on me," She smiled gazing up at his face, not flinching, not scared, not staring. "You may call on me, not as a nun, but as a friend."

"Of course," He replied.

Ophelia returned hours later to Abby, her veil placed properly on her head, and Baldwin returned to his work his mask fashioned on his face. Both of them returned to who and what they were. Ophelia a Nun, bound by her vow of chastity, poverty, and obedience, Baldwin and Leper King forever bound to be alone by the affliction of his disease.

Despite their separation both remembered Ophelia's promise. However as the months passed, Baldwin's condition grew rapidly worse, while at the same time tensions between Saladin and the Christian crusaders grew to a breaking point. Ophelia and Baldwin both new that the time would come for them to be once again reunited, only Ophelia wished that It would be on better more joyful terms, rather than that of mourning and suffering.

* * *

Tiberius passed at the king's door, the time was coming near, the king was dying and soon the templar bastard Guy de Lusignan would take the throne destroying the Jerusalem he and The King had loved. Suddenly Patriarch Heraclius stormed from the chamber, where he should have been distributing the King's last rites. "Where are you going?" Tiberius growled.

"The king refused to give me his confession, nothing can save his soul now," the Patriarch retorted.

Before he could stop the Patriarch a physician rushed to Tiberius. "His majesty is calling for Sister Ophelia," He proclaimed.

"I will go and fetch her," Tiberius nodded, while slightly perturbed knew that there must be reasoning and there was not much time to waste.

At this same moment Ophelia was in the church, long emptied, her head bowed in prayer, her hands grasping a rosary as she fervently prayed for the king, her friend. "Sister!" Hurried footsteps approached and she rose to her feet to see Tiberius rushing toward her. "The king-"

"Take me to him Baron Tiberius," She didn't even need to hear the rest. _"Baldwin please, hold on, hold on until I come," _she pleaded wordlessly.

She was running by the time she reached the King's door, Tiberius struggling to keep up. The guards let her pass without question and she had to slow her breaths as she approached the king's bed, knowing that it would be soon now and he would be free, leaving her alone in this cold world. The physicians tried to stop her but she pushed past them walking to Baldwin's side. Sitting down on the bed's edge where the king lay, she watched each ragged breath, as it entered and exited the dark exterior of his dark mask. He had his eyes closed, though it would have done little to alert him of her presence, he was nearly blind now, and the world blurred together in a waves of light and color.

Hands shaking she gathered up his bandaged hand, holding it in hers. With that he stirred. "Ophelia?" His voice was weak.

"Yes my lord, I am here," Ophelia nodded tears in her voice.

"You came."

"Of course I came Baldwin, I told you I would," She assured him.

"I wanted to say I am sorry for my sins, all those committed against the Saracens, and the atrocities of war. I am sorry for my fear, fear of death, fear of my disease, fear of the punishment that awaits me," Baldwin whispered hoarsely.

Ophelia didn't know what to say or do. "Baldwin you should confess to a priest, not to me," she replied softly.

"I did not want them to hear my confession, I wanted you to hear," Baldwin stated.

"Do you want me to administer your final rights Baldwin?" Ophelia inquired.

"No," He shook his head. "I want you to stay here, by my side, not a nun as a friend."

"Of course," She nodded moving closer.

"Ophelia, I'm sorry," he labored she had to know, she had to know how he felt.

"Sorry for what my lord you have done nothing wrong in the eyes of God," Ophelia shushed tears blurring her vision.

"For never saying thank you, for what you did for me," He whispered. "You saved me in my darkest hour, and now you're here in my last and final. No man woman or child would do that for me, save for you, the little girl I used to run in the gardens with," Baldwin managed a weak chuckle.

This is when tears began to fall, rolling down her fair cheeks, flushed with the emotions overwhelming her. Hearing her stifled sobs, he moved his right hand to touch the hand that grasped his left. "Do not mourn me, for you have been the one to release my soul into the heavens," He comforted her. "Let us take off our masks, so that once more we may see each other as god intended, a man, and a woman, as friends."

"Of course," Ophelia nodded removing his hand from hers she gently placed his left on his chest. "Draw the curtains," She ordered the attendants, knowing that it was Baldwin's wish to be alone in this moment together with one another. Taking a careful hand she removed the dark mask from his face, before removing her veil.

"Even in the darkness of my eyes you shine through, like the North Star guiding me home," Baldwin smiled a brief moment and to Ophelia it was the most precious thing in the world. "Do not remember me like this Ophelia, remember me as I was," he whispered.

"Of course," Ophelia nodded before leaning forward toward him. "Baldwin, you are the greatest thing to ever grace this land, and I pray that God listens to my petitions, and that you and I will be reunited in the Kingdom of God," She whispered leaning forward she kissed him on the forehead. "I love you."

"That is the most beautiful thing you could have ever given me," He breathed before closing his eyes and then he drifted peacefully into the beyond.

Ophelia close her eyes, tears glittering on her cheeks, she was alone and the whole world seemed to stop. There was silence in the chamber, and Ophelia placed the King's Mask upon his face again before putting her wimple on again. Emerging from behind the curtains of the bed she found that Tiberius, and Sybilla stood right outside. Bowing the duo, Ophelia continued out the door and down the hall back toward the abbey. Sybilla's gaze followed the young nun, and through her tears Sybilla smiled sadly. She knew that if just for a moment her brother had known what love was, and that the little nun had helped him to find peace.

* * *

Hope you guys enjoyed it, don't forget to REVIEW

Cheers

Space-Case-Writer13


End file.
